What happens when two men, best friends for decades, strip away the tough exterior and let vulnerability, love, and joy take center stage? Tomorrow, the next episode of The Significance of Others drops, featuring Unconditional Brotherhood with Richard and Shawn, the first conversation on @thesignificanceofothers podcast spotlighting male friendship.
If you are like me, you are wondering, how did I get to the beginning of the second quarter of the year so fast? I feel like the first three month of the year flew by, and I can’t remember much about it. This prompted me to do a self-check to see how I am doing so far in 2024.
If you are like me, you are wondering, how did I get to the beginning of the second quarter of the year so fast? I feel like the first three months of the year flew by, and I can’t remember much about it. This prompted me to do a self-check to see how I am doing so far in 2024.
During the last weeks of 2023, I spent time purging my home and getting things in order. My mother raised my siblings and me to go into the new year with our house clean and money in our pockets (or bank account). That is advice that has always stuck with me. At the end of 2023, I donated old clothes, cleaned my office, and purged papers that I no longer needed. I felt like more than ever, I would have to prioritize this year to be a time to focus on finding peace, joy, and reducing stress and anxiety. I made a self-care checklist for myself then, to hold myself accountable over the course of 2024 to achieve what I knew I needed to do for myself.
My self-care checklist consists of the things that I promised myself I would do at the close of 2023.
Self-care and self-love are not just trendy terms, they are a must do. We should always put ourselves first because we owe it to ourselves and we can’t be any good to others if we are not good to ourselves! So, how are you doing four months into the new year? How are you checking in on yourself to make sure you are not slipping back into old routines and not taking care of you?
When I started working for myself six years ago, I was working about twelve hours a day and that included weekends. I quit my full-time job at an established company to be an entrepreneur and start my own business, but I honestly had no idea what that meant. I found myself thinking about keeping clients, getting new clients, paying my bills, and eventually adding the stress of managing a team. It was a lot, and I was losing the battle. All that resulted in restless nights, long working hours, and then being diagnosed with anxiety that led me to go on medication. This was not the life I wanted or needed, so I knew that I had to make some changes.
I recall one day during the pandemic when life and everything going on got the best of me. Every call I was on talked about pandemic actions plans for schools and work. One day, I had enough. I emailed all my clients telling them that I was taking a mental health day. I was mentally exhausted. The first three hours of my “day off,” I laid across my bed and tried to think about nothing. I knew so many people who were working long hours during the pandemic and all of them were mentally exhausted. Two years later, many are still working the same and I know that it is not healthy and sustainable.
To make the change I knew I needed, I knew I had to take purposeful action. My company does its best to be there for our clients, but I knew that in order for me to do my best at work, I had to add some boundaries in my life and with my clients. It was very hard since most of my clients are very dedicated to their work and I am very aligned to the work they are doing. I had one client tell me she was taking a trip but could not get out of bed because she was mentally and physically drained. I had been warning her the day will come when her body would shut down and make her rest.
Now I have a few things I do to ensure that I have appropriate work-life balance for myself. We are all different and have to find ways to manage all the things that both compete for our time and give us joy, in ways that work best for us.
My best practices:
1. I have breakfast and lunch away from the laptop and not at my desk. Even a small, physical act like this can help create meaningful separations between work and rest, particularly if you work from home like I do.
2. I take a few 15-minute breaks to relax my eyes. Spending eight hours look at a computer is not healthy for your eyes.
3. I end my days at 5:00 pm unless there are emergencies.
4. My calendar is the way I keep organized with my personal and professional life. It includes gym time in the mornings, playing music and having downtime between 5-6 pm, doing writing or reading from 6-7pm, and dinner prep starting at 7 pm. Of course, the schedule can change when I have to travel, etc., but I generally adhere to these guidelines.
5. Absolutely no work on weekends.
6. If I do find myself working on nights and weekends (which is rare), I schedule any email I need to go out for the following morning at 8 am. I like to respect others’ time; I’m a big believer that if I want people to do that for me, I need to also model that behavior myself. I’ve realized that sending an email at 10 pm is useless. I recall when I first started working for EdLoC and I sent an email to Layla and Sharhonda on the weekend, I got scolded first thing Monday morning. They both emailed me saying, “we don’t send email on weekends in this organization.” I never did it again.
7. I turn off notifications on my phone for any work-related apps. It’s extremely hard to get things done with notifications going off all day and night.
8. Absolutely no working while on vacation. This was a hard one for me in the beginning as I have always felt the need to stay connected. I am so blessed that my clients respect my vacations and don’t email me.
9. I do not schedule calls on Mondays and Friday unless they are emergencies. I need dedicated time to strategize about the business and giving myself a break from calls.
10. I take a break from social media one weekend a month.
I know that our lives are complex and we all have different things pulling us in so many directions. What works for me may not work for others, but what I do think is a truism regardless of one’s personal situation, is that we all need to create some sort of work-life balance in our lives. When I was growing up, a lot of us were raised to believe that we go to college, get a good paying job, buy a house, get married, have kids, work every day, and then retire. Some folks call this the “American Dream.” In 2023, we have high interest rates, home and apartment prices are rising, food prices are astronomical, and still many of us work a ton of hours trying to acquire the “American Dream” when for so many it is not a reality.
People are getting burned out and stressed from life. We must make having good mental health a priority. We have to cope with the normal stresses of life and work productively and do it in a way that makes us happy and fulfilled.
It’s now been about six years since I moved to Atlanta and wrote New City, New way of working; as I look back at that post, I’m amazed at how much Atlanta has become home and how much I still love it.
I get asked the following questions a lot: “Do you like Atlanta? Will this be your forever city?” The short answers are I love Atlanta and for that now, I don’t plan on moving. Of course, it’s not really that simple so I will share a few reasons for my decision.
The reasons I still love Atlanta:
Weather. I am an East Coast man, but there is one thing I dislike about the East Coast and that is the snow. I was the youngest of five and therefore I was always doing the shoveling of the snow at the house and I really hated it. I can deal with cold weather but not snow. Atlanta gives me all the seasons with very little snow, and I love it. The few times it snowed, the city basically shut down for 1-2 inches and I got to stay home.
Convenience in location. Atlanta has the busiest airport in the country, and I am able to get non-stop flights on Delta to anywhere. Pro-tip: I’ve learned never to travel out of Hartsfield on Mondays and to book flights before or after rush hour.
My Tribe. One of the reasons I moved to Atlanta was because one of my besties lives here. Before I moved, I would visit Atlanta at least once a month to see him. Through those trips, he introduced me to his circle of friends. They are a great bunch of guys. We would have dinner together, do a lot of happy hours and a few would host at their homes. There was always good food and great conversation.
In 2019 I made the leap and moved to a high-rise in Downtown Atlanta. I never imagined living in a high-rise, but I couldn’t resist the location and the price. When the pandemic hit, I didn’t know what I was going to do and more importantly who was I going to hang out with. I met three guys in my building, and we instantly clicked and became friends. We spent many days and nights together; me mostly hosting and preparing meals with drinks and great conversations. During the pandemic, my out-of-town friends would always want to know what I was doing with the “Building Men.” We have shared a lot with each other, and I am thankful for their friendship.
These friends have become my chosen family in a lot of ways and are a major reason why I continue to love this city so much.
Food. It’s no secret that people in Atlanta love Southern cooking, from shrimp and grits and macaroni and cheese, to lamb chops and fried catfish, and much, much more. Trust me, there is no shortage of any of those delicacies in Atlanta. In the last six years, I have tried many restaurants and there are more opening every month. Whether you are a local or a visitor, there is something here to eat for everyone.
Apt 4B – If you follow me on social, this happens to be my favorite spot. You can usually find me here on Wednesday evenings or Sunday Funday. It is a place full of good energy, good food and good service. I am friends with one of the owners and they get it right. Their other places are Ms. Icey’s Kitchen and Bar and Belle & Lily’s Caribbean Brunch House. All three give you good food and with a different atmosphere in each location.
Being from Baltimore, I am a true seafood lover, so I am always on the hunt for good seafood. I recommend BeetleCat for oysters and lobster rolls. Alici Oyster Bar is fairly new and the oysters here are good as well. The Optimist is good for oysters and lobster rolls; they also have a really good dinner menu. It’s a family affair when it comes to my favorite sushi and ramen spots, Eight Sushi Lounge and E Ramen Atlanta. I have never had a bad meal at either place and the service is always spot on. The owners are super nice and treat me to shots and wine tastings. I love that Atlanta is home to many Black-owned restaurants and lounges that I often frequent. Some of my other favorites are The James Room, Fellaship.ATL, T’s Brunch Bar and Toast On Lennox just to name a few.
Culture & Entertainment – If you love music, sporting events, plays, festivals and museums, Atlanta is the place for it all. The amount of culture and entertainment opportunities in Atlanta can satisfy all appetites. I am a sucker for smaller venues like https://www.citywinery.com which has become one of my favorite places to see some phenomenal entertainers. Atlanta also has a number of larger venues to enjoy. The High Museum of Art (Welcome to the High Museum – High Museum of Art) has become a hot spot for High Frequency Fridays of Friday Jazz. It is a great opportunity to tour the museum for great art and also dance to DJs or sit back and enjoy live jazz. It’s all here in Atlanta and waiting for you.
When I moved to Atlanta, I had lived on the West Coast for 5 ½ years and I did not like it. I did 3 ½ years in Sacramento and 2 years in LA. After my first year in LA, I knew it wasn’t the place for me. I found a therapist because I felt stuck and needed a little guidance to make sure I was not giving up too soon. After several sessions, it was clear that I had to move. The only thing I knew was that I did not want to go back to any place that I had lived before. Atlanta offered me everything that I was missing and longed for. So yes, I am still loving my decision to move to Atlanta. However, like most things, there are a few things that I don’t like about Atlanta: maybe that’s for my next blog.
I would like to say that I am not a regular wine drinker but I love Napa Valley. I started going to Napa in 2011 when I moved to Sacramento, Calif. There was not much to do in Sacramento at that time so most people went to Napa or Lake Tahoe. I love them both for some of the same reasons, but since I left Sacramento several years ago, Napa is one place that I go back to every year.
My first trip to Napa was fun-filled and I tried many things for the first time. The one thing I remember most is a bike tour I took through Napa. It was a birthday trip for my ex and I felt that this would be fun and something I had never done before. There were two ways to do a bike tour: a tour with a guide or a self-guided tour with a map. Being adventurous, we decided to do the self-guided bike tour.
The beginning was not bad until we had to get on the streets and realized that most of the streets did not have bike lanes! It was scary riding next to cars, especially when you factor in my second point: doing wine tasting while riding a bike is a big no-no.
After the second or third winery, I was tipsy and wondered how would I ever make it back to the hotel. I made it back, but I learned my lesson! The thing that keeps bringing me back to Napa every year is how beautiful it is. The lush green hills, the fresh air and the beautiful wineries make me feel like I don’t have a worry in the world!
Now that I’ve learned my lesson about tipsy bike riding, whenever I go to Napa my friends and I usually rent a sedan for wine tasting tours. This year we decided to do something a little different. For the past few years, we have been staying in Sonoma. It’s not far from Napa and they have great wineries there as well.
This year we did a winery tour in a vintage VW bus. We found this experience on Airbnb and after reading it, we booked it. The only reservation we had was that we would be in a vehicle for 5.5 hours and we hoped the tour guides were cool like us. Luckily, they were. When we arrived at the pick-up spot, we were super-excited and greeted by the owner, Jacob. He made the adventure a great one!!
I was experiencing most of the wineries scheduled for our Sonoma tour for the first time, so I was excited to check them out. Our first stop was Abbott’s Passage. We were the first ones there, so we had the place to ourselves. A very nice winery with a great patio and tasting room.
The second stop was Three Fat Guys Wines; this one took me by surprise. When we drove up, it looked like a convenience store. We got out of the van and one of the owners cheerfully welcomed us and said, “Come to our backyard for a drink.”
It looked like a backyard. It was nothing fancy like most of the wineries. It had basic tables and chairs in the back behind the building. The owners are three former football players who met and became friends. One of the owners, Tony Moll, happened to come through while we were there, so he sat down with us and told us his story. He was very nice and full of energy.
We started the wine tasting and we all were surprised. I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover. The wines were so good that we took a few bottles back to the Airbnb with the favorite being the Champion Brut. I highly recommend this spot!!
Our last stop was Anaba Wines. It was beautiful driving into this winery. Lots of pretty flowers and all the other things you would expect. We walked through the tasting room to the outside courtyard and it was stunning. It has a great view of green hills that still takes my breath away. We sat down, ordered a flight, which is a selection of wines, a charcuterie board, and took our shoes off to enjoy the wine and the views.
While the Sonoma day was great, I knew the Napa day would be even better. We booked a Black sedan and our driver arrived at the Airbnb on time to take us on our adventure. The first stop was The Caves at Soda Canyon. This was my first time here and I had no clue what to expect.
This winery was way up in the mountains and the driver had a difficult time finding it. It also did not help that he lost his GPS signal due to the remote location of the winery. When we drove up to the spot, I was a little disappointed because the view was not spectacular.
We were greeted at the front door and led into the winery. It was dimly lit, nicely decorated, and three glasses were waiting for us. We started the tour and walked by many barrels of wine. The host gave us an overview of the winery and introduced us to one of the owners.
It was time for our tasting, so he led us to our tasting location. We walked through a large wooden door and I was blown away by the view. Being so high up made the view spectacular. I could have stayed there all day. The host was so nice and the wine was delicious; so delicious that I ordered two bottles. A great way to start my day!
Next up was my favorite, Chandon. Every time I come to Napa, I must visit Chandon. This place is beautiful from the moment you enter the gates. This is my Napa happy place. We love sitting outside under a tree and ordering lots of bubbly and snacks. Chandon is such a refreshing wine. I drink it at home and sometimes I buy it by the case.
The last stop on the Napa tour was a new spot, Regiis Ova Caviar & Champagne Lounge. My brother-in-law (BIL) and I love caviar and this was a must. My assistant found this place and he knew we had to try it. It was located in one of my favorite places, Yountville. We arrived at the location and were nicely greeted and escorted inside. The place is beautiful and the patio is just as nice.
We decided to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful day. As soon as we sat down, my BIL gave us orders. “No need to worry, I got this!” We sat in our chairs, took off our shoes and let him take care of the ordering. I think the server was shocked that he knew so much about caviar. It started with a bottle of Veuve Clicquot and seasonal crab and I can’t remember the rest. We enjoyed everything and left feeling great!
For me, Napa must be on the list every year! I am disappointed that I was not able to visit Brown Estate but they will be first on the list for my next visit. No matter how many times I visit Napa, each time is better than the one before. If you haven’t been, do yourself a favor and go — you will not be disappointed!!
A few months ago, I was having a conversation with one of my besties about how I still need to get to Paris. As soon as I said it, it was like a light bulb went on his head.“Let’s go to Paris for my spring break,” he said. Without hesitation I replied, “Let’s do it.” A trip to Paris has been on my bucket list for a long time. I had no idea what to expect but I was ready to go and take Paris by storm!
The flight to Paris seemed like it took forever. I have never been one able to sleep on planes so I knew that this flight would be tough for me. I had a 10-15 min nap and for the remainder of the flight I worked and watched a few movies. But the lack of sleep didn’t bother me. Just walking through the airport after we landed, I was acting like a wide-eyed, excited tourist. I marveled at everything, from the art on the airport walls, the chairs at the gate, and the cleanliness of the bathrooms without even having an attendant in there.
After going through customs and getting a cab, we arrived at the hotel about 9 am. Of course, the room was not ready, so we checked our bags with the front desk attendant and decided to hit the streets of Paris to get breakfast. We found this delightful little café, Le Corail located on the corner of 79 Rue La Fayette,about a five-minute walk from the hotel and had breakfast. It was called. It was the cutest café with a bright yellow awning and great people-watching. With our bellies full, we were ready to do some sightseeing.
As we walked, I took it all in: the buildings, people, fashion, etc. Here are just a few of my reflections:
City
As we started walking, I could not take my eyes off the buildings and the amazing architecture. My eyes started at the top of buildings and ended at the beautiful wooden doors on the homes and other buildings. The buildings were all at once strong, beautiful, opulent, and intricately detailed; I could not take my eyes off them. As we stopped at the Arc de Triomphe, Cathedral of Notre-Dame de Paris, Château de Versailles, and Palais Garnier. Theamount of beautiful detailing and the gold on Château de Versailles took my breath away. As we walked through the Versailles Gardens, I was astounded at the beauty.Gorgeously landscaped lawns, perfect flowers, the Fountains of Versailles, the Grand Canal, and the Peaceful Groves. I never got tired of looking at the beautiful architecture of Paris.
People
I’ve heard so many times that the French are not nice but now I had the opportunity to find out for myself. We all know that I am a morning person and I love a greeting. I love to greet in an email, in the grocery store, walking the down street, etc. After day one, I realized that the French people I came in contact were not big on greeting. After no responses from people after I greeted them and doing a few observations, I realized it was just not their thing. Again, I am not saying all French people are like this; I am saying the ones I encountered were not greeters. On the other hand, when we needed instructions on how to ride the metro, the attendant was very helpful, and the waiters and waitresses were very nice. Plus, a few random strangers we ended up talking were very friendly.
I made a few other observations about Parisians . They do a lot of walking. It’s not a fast-paced walking, but a very leisurely stroll, like they are not in a rush to get to their destination. It is very different from the fast-paced walking in New York City. I am sure people were going to work, school, or had other pressing commitments, but no one was rushing to get there. I found that to be refreshing.It made me reflect on something that one of my best friends always says: “Slow down. Why are you in such a rush? Is it that serious?” That weekend in Paris, my friend and I reflected about fast-paced rate that we do things in the US. We walk fast, we drive fast, we have very little patience, and we over schedule meetings, rushing to get to one thing or another. In the last few weeks since I came home, I have been practicing intentionally slowing down. It’s helped me realize that whatever I am working on will get done and although what I fill my day with is important, it is not a matter of life or death.
Dining Out
One of the things that is hard not to notice in Paris are the number of places to eat. On every block there were at least three to five places to sit and enjoy a good meal. I only noticed two people working on laptops while having a meal and very few people were on cell phones. Whether people were alone or dining with others, they enjoyed the moment by looking out the windows or talking to each other, It was very breathtaking. There was even no picture taking of food (except for me, LOL). Even when my bestie and I were enjoying meals, we made it a point to stay off of our phones and enjoy the moment.
In addition to staying present and enjoying the experience of dining out, the French start drinking early. I noticed people having wine as early as 10 am. In my mind the earliest one should start drinking is 11am, unless you are on vacation. But who am I to impose my silly rules on others? Not only were the Parisians I noticed drinking wine, but they were enjoying lots of bread, which I know I could never eat every day. I was so intrigued that I emailed a colleague to do research on the health people in France compared to the United States. He sent me this article– Lifestyle in France and the United States: An American Perspective—which pointed out several interesting points. Please understand that I am not judging but just researching as my curiosity was peaked.
My last point on dining in Paris is how I noticed how the French take their time and dine. People would be enjoying each other, the food, and the atmosphere for what seemed like hours. I really loved how no one pressured you to the pay the bill and leave so the restaurant could sit other patrons. I was also surprised that there was no need to tip in Paris. Unlike servers in the United States, servers in Paris are paid a living wage. And since service is already included in the price, no one is expecting you to tack on an additional 15 to 25 percent at the end of the meal.
As a person who frequently dines out, this was refreshing. It remined me of my best friends and how we don’t buy each other birthday gifts, we pick a nice restaurant, enjoy good food and have great conversation. My dining out in Paris remined me that life is short, and we should enjoy every moment and every bite!
I know that four days was not enough to see all of Paris. The beautiful architecture, café’ culture, endless art and culture, bakeries and fashion make Paris a city to fall in love with. Paris has been on my bucket list and I am happy that I was able to enjoy with one of my besties. Two things I can say for sure: I will be back and I am no longer a Paris virgin!
I recently made the move from one big city (Los Angeles) to another big city (Atlanta). One of the biggest blessings about this move is that I did not have to look for another job. My employer decided that I could work remotely and I was extremely happy. Nothing compares to the stress of moving and then having to look for a job. I was thankful.
Not only am I now working remotely but I also am now working from home. This is a big change for me. Every job that I have ever had has always had a brick and mortar office I would go to, where I’ve been surrounded by people. Working from home is definitely a lifestyle change for me. The big question now is, how am I going to adapt to it?
The first week was the hardest. It was a combination of getting use to the time change and adapting to working from home. During that week, I found myself snacking a lot and wanting to lounge throughout the day. I knew that if I continued down this road the results would not be good.
I then recalled a conversation I had with a co-worker of mine, Kat, in which she explained to me how she managed working from home. She said she acted like she was going into the office every day: she showered, put on a dress, did her makeup and went out for lunch every day. As she was sharing her routine I thought that it was a bit much. But at the end of the first week I realized that Kat was right. I had to treat my workday like I was actually going into the office.
Long before I spent 20 plus years in the service industry where customer service is king, I, along with my siblings, were taught to have manners and be respectful to everyone – especially adults – by my mother. So, I am really amazed by the number of times I am not greeted by sales clerks, not greeted when walking into an establishment, or not greeted in an email or text message.
When I worked in retail, not speaking to a client was not an option. I always equated working in a store with being on stage. Once the client entered my store, I was an actor and I had to perform, and that performance always started with a greeting and ended with a salutation.
Sometimes I would tell my staff if they are having a bad day they should clock out and go home because not greeting clients was never an option.
I made my exit from retail in 2007 but always still followed my rules of engagement pertaining to greetings. So, I was amazed when I received emails that contained no greeting (especially the first email of the day). What kind of people send emails without a greeting? Do you walk into a room without acknowledging people and just start asking them questions or start giving them duties without a greeting? Once I told a colleague that if he didn’t start greeting me in his emails, I would not answer them. Is it really that hard?
As I observed people, I saw that they could greet their spouses and significant others when they called, they could greet mayors and other executives in emails, but that they could not do the same for me. At that point I realized that it was a conscious decision people were making. I also decided that I should not accept anything other than civility and respect that I knew people could afford. Just because I work for you or because I don’t work at your level does not mean that I should get the same level of respect that you give to others. The excuse is always, “I’m so sorry I have so much going on” and I don’t buy it.
What kind of society have we turned into when we can’t treat each with respect and greet each other? A few good reasons to say good morning (written or in-person): 1) It is basic manners, 2) it’s free and painless, 3) you may brighten someone’s day, and 4) it is an icebreaker to meeting someone new and starting a conversation.
Let’s get back to basics and start the day off with a simple, hello! Let’s focus on what can unite us and not so much on what divides us!
Recent Comments